Hi Haya!

I’m a 23-year-old girl who loves to travel. I had been waiting to cross the age of 20 so that my dad would let me travel alone, but he is still very rigid about allowing me to do that because he thinks I might end up doing something wrong.

I have assured him plenty of times that I have never done anything of that kind, nor will I do it now, I just want to travel and explore the world on my own for once. We have argued over it several times, too.

How do I convince him?

— An aspiring traveller

Dear aspiring traveller,

It's wonderful to hear about your passion for travel, and it's clear you have a strong desire to explore the world. Navigating family dynamics, especially when it involves gaining independence, can indeed be challenging. Let's explore some strategies to address this situation from both your perspective and your father's.

Firstly, I encourage you to have an open conversation and communicate with your father. Take him into confidence and express how much traveling means to you. Understanding his concerns is crucial, as his resistance likely stems from a place of love and concern for your safety. A calm and empathetic conversation can help you uncover his specific fears. Is he worried about your safety, the destinations you want to visit, or something else? Understanding his perspective can enable you to address his worries more effectively.

Involve your father in the process by presenting a well-prepared and detailed plan. Share your travel plans, including destinations, accommodations, itineraries, and safety measures. Explain how you would handle emergencies and stay connected with him throughout your trip. Demonstrating your responsibility and preparedness can help ease his concerns.

Consider suggesting a smaller trip as a starting point. Traveling to nearby cities or within the country for shorter durations before planning international adventures can gradually build his confidence in your ability to travel safely. This approach provides a middle ground and allows you to prove your reliability on a smaller scale.

Sometimes, hearing from other trusted adults or professionals can be reassuring. If there are family friends, relatives, or travel experts who can vouch for your responsibility and the feasibility of your plans, consider asking them to speak with your father. Their support can provide an additional layer of reassurance.

Assure your father that you will stay connected with him as often as he needs. Provide him with a way to reach you at all times, whether through phone calls, texts, or a travel app that allows sharing your location. This constant communication can help him feel more secure about your well-being while you're away.

Highlight the benefits of traveling to him. Explain how traveling contributes to personal growth, cultural enrichment, and increased independence. Emphasise how these experiences can positively impact your life and future, both personally and professionally. Showing how travel can add value to your life may help him understand why it is so important to you.

Respect his feelings by acknowledging that his concerns are valid and that you understand why he feels the way he does. Demonstrating empathy and respect for his feelings can make him more open to listening to your perspective. It shows that you appreciate his care and are willing to consider his viewpoint.

Finally, allow yourselves to come to a compromise. Ask him what would make him feel comfortable and safe enough to allow you to go. Finding a balance between your desire for independence and his need to feel assured of your safety is essential.

With patience, empathy, and clear communication, you can work towards a solution that satisfies both of you. Remember, it's about finding that balance and building trust over time.

Best of luck with your travels!

Haya

Haya Malik is a psychotherapist, Neuro-Linguistic Programming (NLP) practitioner, corporate well-being strategist and trainer with expertise in creating organisational cultures focused on well-being and raising awareness around mental health.

Send her your questions to [email protected]

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